STEWARDSHIP • MODULE 10 OF 14

Partnership, Roles, & Parenting

Building a Shared Life as Equal Partners

How do we work together as one?

Marriage Is an Equal Partnership

The Family: A Proclamation to the World declares: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

This final sentence is crucial. Whatever roles spouses adopt, whatever division of labor works for their family, they function as equal partners. Neither is subordinate. Neither is more important. Neither has unilateral authority over the other.

“In the marriage companionship there is neither combatant nor inferiority. The man does not dominate his wife, neither does the wife dominate the husband. They walk side by side as equals.”
— President Gordon B. Hinckley

“A man who holds the priesthood accepts his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto.”
— President Howard W. Hunter, October 1994

Notice: “full participation in all decisions.” Not most decisions. Not delegated areas. All decisions. Phrases like “I make the money, so I decide” or “the household is not your concern” have no place in equal partnership.

Righteous leadership in the home is not about authority over a spouse—it is about Christlike service to the family. Jesus washed His disciples’ feet. He taught that leadership means being “servant of all” (Mark 9:35).

Both Parents Receive Revelation for Their Family

A beautiful pattern emerges in the story of Jesus’s birth: both Mary and Joseph received revelation—each according to their respective stewardships.

Mary’s Revelation

The angel Gabriel appeared to Mary with the announcement that she would conceive and bear a son—the Son of God:

“And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus.”
— Luke 1:30-31

This revelation came to Mary—not to Joseph, not to her parents, not to the priests. The message about nurturing the Christ child came directly to the one who would bear and raise Him. Mary received revelation about her stewardship.

Joseph’s Revelations

Joseph, meanwhile, received revelations appropriate to his stewardship. First, when he discovered Mary was pregnant and considered quietly ending the betrothal, an angel appeared to him:

“But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.”
— Matthew 1:20

Later, when Herod sought to kill the child, the warning came to Joseph:

“And when they were departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeareth to Joseph in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and flee into Egypt.”
— Matthew 2:13

Joseph received revelation about protecting his family—taking them to safety, providing for them during their exile, knowing when it was safe to return.

The Pattern for Covenant Marriage

Neither Mary nor Joseph had all the revelation. Together, following the inspiration each received, they fulfilled the sacred trust of raising the Son of God. This is the pattern for covenant families:

Both parents receive revelation. Neither has a monopoly on spiritual guidance.
Revelation often comes according to stewardship. The parent closest to a situation may receive the clearest prompting about it.
Spouses share and counsel together. Counseling with each other and with God leads to better decision-making.
The Spirit guides the family through both partners. A father who dismisses his wife’s spiritual impressions, or a mother who dismisses her husband’s, cuts off half of God’s communication with the family.

In marriage, both spouses have access to teh guidance of the Spirit for their family. The goal is not to determine whose revelation “wins” but to seek unity through shared prayer, discussion, and spiritual confirmation.

Pause and Reflect

Have you seen examples of couples who honor each other’s spiritual impressions?
How might recognizing that both spouses receive revelation change how you approach decision-making in marriage?

A Father’s Sacred Responsibility

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that “by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness.” What does this mean? The word preside has caused confusion for some—and has been misused by others to justify unrighteous dominion. Understanding what prophets actually teach about presiding reveals something beautiful: it is a call to Christlike service, not a grant of authority over a spouse.

Presiding Means Servant-Leadership

The scriptural foundation for “presiding” is interpretive rather than explicit. The word does not appear in scripture in relation to family leadership. When Genesis records that Adam would “rule over” Eve (Genesis 3:16), President Spencer W. Kimball clarified:

“I have a question about the word rule. It gives the wrong impression. I would prefer to use the word preside because that’s what he does. A righteous husband presides over his wife and family.”
— President Spencer W. Kimball, “The Blessings and Responsibilities of Womanhood,” March 1976

But what does “preside” actually mean in practice? President Boyd K. Packer drew an important distinction between how things work in the Church and how they work in the home:

“In the Church, we serve where called by those who preside over us. In the home it is a partnership with husband and wife equally yoked together, sharing in decisions, always working together.”
— President Boyd K. Packer

This is crucial: the hierarchical pattern we see in Church callings—where a bishop presides over a ward and members sustain his decisions—does not apply to marriage. The family operates on a different pattern: partnership.

Elder Oaks on Family vs. Church Government

Elder Dallin H. Oaks provided the most thorough treatment of this distinction in his October 2005 General Conference address, “Priesthood Authority in the Family and the Church.” He explained:

“A most important difference in the functioning of priesthood authority in the family and in the Church results from the fact that the government of the family is patriarchal, whereas the government of the Church is hierarchical. The concept of partnership functions differently in the family than in the Church.”
— Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “Priesthood Authority in the Family and the Church,” October 2005

Elder Oaks illustrated this with a personal example. When his father died, his widowed mother led their family: “She had no priesthood office, but as the surviving parent in her marriage she had become the governing officer in her family. At the same time, she was always totally respectful of the priesthood authority of our bishop and other Church leaders. She presided over her family, but they presided over the Church.”

This example is instructive: a mother can preside over a family. “Presiding” in the family is not identical to “holding priesthood office.” It is about the responsibility to lead the family spiritually—a responsibility that, in an intact marriage, husband and wife share as equal partners.

How Any Influence Must Be Exercised

Whatever “presiding” means, it must be exercised according to the Lord’s principles:

“No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.”
— D&C 121:41

This scripture governs all priesthood influence—including in the home. There is no scenario where a husband can silence his wife’s voice in decision-making by asserting priesthood authority. “I’m the priesthood holder, so I decide” is never appropriate. In equal measure, a wife should not attempt to silence her husband’s voice in decision-making. Decisions are made together, through persuasion, patience, and seeking unity through the Spirit. The sustaining faith and encouragement of a wife can help a faithful husband magnify his role as the presiding priesthood holder in the home, modeling the Savior’s sacrificial love and devoted service to His people Israel.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”
— Ephesians 5:25

Pause and Reflect

How have you seen “presiding” modeled in healthy vs. unhealthy ways?
What does servant-leadership look like in practical terms?

A Mother’s Sacred Calling

Just as fathers have a sacred responsibility, mothers have a sacred responsibility—one so profound that scripture uses it to teach us about God’s love and Christ’s redemptive work.

The Sacred Work of Bringing Life into the World

The work of bearing and nurturing children involves sacrifice, patience, and suffering that transforms both mother and child. This is not incidental to God’s plan—it is central to it. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that “mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” In contrast to priesthood service—for which men must qualify through personal worthiness and faith—the Lord has entrusted women throughout time and accross the world—in and out of His Church—with the capacity to bring life into the world. Every person living on the earth today is here because of the sacrifices a mother made to bring them into the world. This miraculous capacity to give life is part of our earthly curriculum—through which both mother and child learn of enduring, sacrificial love.

Scripture itself uses the imagery of childbirth to teach us about the most sacred realities—including Christ’s own redemptive work and our spiritual rebirth.

Motherhood as a Type of Christ’s Redemption

Jesus Himself compared His suffering and the joy that follows to a woman in childbirth:

“A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.”
— John 16:21

The Savior chose this image to describe His own redemptive work—the sorrow of Gethsemane and Golgotha, followed by the joy of resurrection and new life for all humanity. A mother’s willing sacrifice to bring life into the world echoes Christ’s willing sacrifice to bring eternal life to the world.

The Pearl of Great Price draws an even more direct connection, likening spiritual rebirth to physical birth:

“Inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, which I have made, and so became of dust a living soul, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the Spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten.”
— Moses 6:59

Physical birth—through water, blood, and spirit—becomes the pattern for understanding spiritual rebirth through baptism, the Atonement, and the Holy Ghost. Every mother who brings a child into the world participates in a process that God uses to teach us about salvation itself.

And when God wants to assure us of His unfailing love, He compares it to the love of a nursing mother:

“Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.”
— Isaiah 49:15-16

God’s love for us is like—and even greater than—a mother’s instinctive, fierce, tender love for her nursing child. This is the highest compliment scripture pays to maternal love: it becomes the measure by which we understand divine love.

Faithful Women, Many Paths

While motherhood holds profound sacred significance, how women live their covenants varies widely. Scripture and Church history reveal a striking truth: there is no single template. Faithful women have served God in remarkably different ways—some leading nations, others nurturing the Savior Himself. Both paths were righteous. Both were directed by God.

“We have women in this Church who have reared large families and taken care of them in a wonderful way… We have women who, in the providences of the Lord, have had few or no children, but have had other marvelous talents that they have used in blessing our Father’s other children.”
— President George Albert Smith

Scriptural Examples: Deborah and Mary

	Deborah (Judges 4-5)	Mary, Mother of Jesus
Primary Role	Prophetess, judge over Israel, military leader	Wife, mother, devoted disciple
Public Profile	Very high—led armies, settled disputes, sang victory anthems	Humble, private—”pondered these things in her heart”
Family	“Wife of Lappidoth”—no children mentioned in narrative	Central to her calling—nurturing Jesus and other children
Her Calling	Called by God to lead a nation in crisis	Called to nurture the Son of God
Legacy	“A mother in Israel” through national leadership	Mother of the Savior of the world

Both were faithful. Both followed God. Both served His purposes. Their callings looked entirely different—and that was by divine design. Each was qualifying for her own eternal role, fulfilling the mission for which she was sent to earth.

Modern Prophetic Families: Dantzel Nelson and Ruth Renlund

This same diversity of earthly missions appears among the wives of latter-day apostles:

	Dantzel Nelson	Ruth Lybbert Renlund
Background	Full scholarship to Juilliard School of Music for operatic voice	Law degree from University of Maryland; first female president of Utah Trial Lawyers Association
Career Path	Set aside professional career at 19 to marry Russell and raise their family	Maintained successful law career while raising daughter; felt spiritually prompted to attend law school
Professional Identity	Took husband’s name; identity centered on family	Used maiden name (Ruth Lybbert) professionally “to have some professional separation”
Children	10 children (9 daughters, 1 son)	1 daughter; struggled with fertility after cancer treatment
Spiritual Confirmation	Felt right about setting aside career for marriage and family	Both she and Dale “received confirmation from the Holy Ghost” that law school was the right path
When Husband Called as Apostle	Had already devoted life to supporting his career and family for decades	“Just walked away from it, just left the nets and came”—left successful career at its peak

Both women have lived faithful, covenant-centered lives. Both received spiritual confirmation about their paths. Both supported apostolic husbands.

Modern Context: Expanding Possibilities

In previous generations, the biological realities of feeding infants created a natural division of labor: mothers were essential for early childcare in ways fathers simply could not replicate. Today, with safe infant formula, breast pumps, and refrigeration, fathers can participate more directly in infant feeding and care than ever before.

This opens new possibilities for how couples divide nurturing responsibilities—not because the doctrine has changed, but because circumstances have changed.

The principle remains: “Fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” How that partnership looks in any given family is between that couple and the Lord—shaped by their unique circumstances, gifts, challenges, earthly missions, and responsibilities.

Equal partnership does not mean identical roles. Spouses may divide labor in countless ways based on circumstances, gifts, seasons of life, and personal revelation. What matters is that both voices are heard, both contributions are valued, and both partners are seeking the Lord’s will.

Modern Prophetic Families: Dantzel Nelson and Ruth Renlund

This same diversity of earthly missions appears among the wives of latter-day apostles:

	Dantzel Nelson	Ruth Lybbert Renlund
Background	Full scholarship to Juilliard School of Music for operatic voice	Law degree from University of Maryland; first female president of Utah Trial Lawyers Association
Career Path	Set aside professional career at 19 to marry Russell and raise their family	Maintained successful law career while raising daughter; felt spiritually prompted to attend law school
Professional Identity	Took husband’s name; identity centered on family	Used maiden name (Ruth Lybbert) professionally “to have some professional separation”
Children	10 children (9 daughters, 1 son)	1 daughter; struggled with fertility after cancer treatment
Spiritual Confirmation	Felt right about setting aside career for marriage and family	Both she and Dale “received confirmation from the Holy Ghost” that law school was the right path
When Husband Called as Apostle	Had already devoted life to supporting his career and family for decades	“Just walked away from it, just left the nets and came”—left successful career at its peak

Both women have lived faithful, covenant-centered lives. Both received spiritual confirmation about their paths. Both supported apostolic husbands.

Modern Context: Expanding Possibilities

This opens new possibilities for how couples divide nurturing responsibilities—not because the doctrine has changed, but because circumstances have changed.

Pause and Reflect

What assumptions do you carry about how roles “should” look in marriage?
How might you and a spouse seek the Lord’s guidance about what your unique partnership should look like?

Preparing Children for Life and Eternity

Beyond the relationship with each other, parents share a sacred responsibility to prepare their children—not just to survive in the world, but to thrive spiritually and temporally. Scripture offers diverse portraits of faithful parents who approached this responsibility in different ways, faced different challenges, and experienced different outcomes.

Scriptural Parents: Lehi and Alma the Elder

Consider two Book of Mormon fathers who faced the heartbreak of rebellious children—and responded with persistent faith.

	Lehi	Alma the Elder
Challenge	Laman and Lemuel rejected his teachings and rebelled repeatedly	Son (Alma the Younger) actively persecuted the Church
Response	Never stopped teaching. Pleaded with them until his dying breath (2 Nephi 1)	“Prayed with much faith” for years (Mosiah 27:14)
Outcome	Mixed: Some children faithful, Laman and Lemuel were not	Angel appeared citing Alma’s prayers; son became great prophet
What We Learn	Children have agency. A faithful parent can do everything right and still have children choose differently	Prayer matters—even when it seems unheard for years

Both fathers were faithful. Both faced heartbreak. The difference in outcomes was not in their righteousness—it was in their children’s choices.

A Contrast: Eli the Priest

Not all scriptural parents serve as positive examples. Eli was the high priest of Israel, yet his sons Hophni and Phinehas were corrupt—stealing from offerings and committing sexual immorality. The Lord’s rebuke to Eli is sobering:

“Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering… and honourest thy sons above me?”
— 1 Samuel 2:29

Eli’s failure was not a lack of awareness—he knew his sons were wicked. His failure was refusing to act: “His sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not” (1 Samuel 3:13). Eli verbally rebuked his sons, but did not impose sufficient consequences for their behavior. His sons continued to minister as priests in the tabernacle, exploiting the people and committing sexual sin. He honored his relationship with his sons above his covenant with God. For this, Eli came under condemnation.

Alma’s Sons: Tailored Teaching

The converted Alma the Younger became a father himself—and his approach offers a masterclass in individualized parenting (Alma 36-42):

Son	Situation	Father’s Approach
Helaman	Faithful, ready for responsibility	Shared testimony, entrusted with sacred records, taught doctrine deeply
Shiblon	Faithful, steady, quieter	Brief but affirming. Warned against pride. “Use boldness, but not overbearance”
Corianton	Had committed serious sin	Direct correction + doctrine + hope: “Wickedness never was happiness… I trust I shall have great joy over you”

Alma gave each son what he needed—not a one-size-fits-all lecture. Parents face the challenge of nurturing, teaching, correcting, leading, and setting an example for children who are each a unique child of God with differing needs, strengths, weaknesses, and challenges. We should seek inspiration and wisdom in how to best raise, teach, and guide each of our chilrden in our circumnstances.

Faithful Mothers: Nurturing Hearts of Faith

Scripture also celebrates mothers whose faithful teaching shaped their children’s spiritual growth. Consider the mothers of the stripling warriors:

“They had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.”
— Alma 56:47-48

These young men went into battle with absolute confidence—not primarily in their military training, but in what their mothers had taught them about God. Their mothers had nurtured faith so deep that it became the foundation of their courage. “We do not doubt our mothers knew it” is one of the most powerful testimonies in scripture of maternal influence.

Hannah dedicated her long-awaited son Samuel to the Lord’s service, placing covenant above personal desire (1 Samuel 1-2). Sariah experienced both fear and faith during Lehi’s journey—she “mourned” when her sons seemed lost, then testified powerfully when they returned (1 Nephi 5:1-8). Her honest struggle makes her relatable to every parent who has feared for a child.

Faithful mothers and fathers alike shape eternal destinies through patient teaching, fervent prayer, and unwavering testimony—even when they cannot control outcomes.

The Model: Our Heavenly Parents

Ultimately, the pattern for parenting is our Heavenly Parents. How do They parent Their children?

They respect agency. They allow us to choose—even when our choices cause pain.
They teach through prophets and scripture. They do not leave us without guidance.
They set limits. Commandments are boundaries given in love, protecting us from harm and enabling growth.
They allow consequences. Natural results of choices teach in ways lectures cannot.
They provide an example to follow. “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).
They never stop reaching. “How oft would I have gathered you” (3 Nephi 10:5).
They rejoice in return. The prodigal’s father saw him “a great way off” and ran to meet him (Luke 15:20).

Mortal parents will fall short of this divine pattern—but it remains the standard. Every act of patient teaching, every prayer for a struggling child, every choice to correct with love, wisdom, and inspiration moves a parent closer to the Heavenly model.

Pause and Reflect

What examples of parenting—positive or negative—have shaped your expectations
How does understanding that children have agency change how we think about “successful” parenting?
What can we learn from Alma’s individualized approach to his three sons?

These Principles Apply in Diverse Circumstances

In this world we may face a variety of trying circumnstances. Some are navigating single parenthood after divorce or the death of a spouse. Some are blending families with children from previous marriages. Some are starting again after years of singleness. Some face circumstances that require adaptation—military deployment, chronic illness, demanding callings, or economic necessity.

The principles in this module still apply—but their application may look different.

Single parents: You carry responsibilities that are already a challenge for two. The principles of prayerful decision-making, seeking revelation, and inspired parenting are just as vital. You can preside over your family with full spiritual authority, as Elder Oaks’ mother did.
Blended families: Building partnership with a new spouse while honoring existing parent-child relationships requires extra grace, patience, and flexibility. The unity described here may take increased effort and intentionality to develop—and that’s okay.
Starting again: Whether after divorce, widowhood, or years of waiting, you bring experience and wisdom to a new partnership. The past can inform the future without defining it.
Challenging circumstances: When life requires one spouse to carry more of certain responsibilities—temporarily or long-term—”equal partnership” doesn’t mean identical workloads. It means equal voice, equal respect, and shared commitment to the family’s wellbeing.

The Lord knows your circumstances. The patterns we’ve discussed are ideals to work towardt. Your Father in Heaven is deeply aware of your individual circumnstances. Seek His guidance for how these principles apply in your unique situation.

The Doctrine of Christ Transforms Partnership

The practical dimensions of marriage—roles, decision-making, parenting—are deeply connected to the Doctrine of Christ:

Faith: Trusting God’s plan for our family—and trusting our spouse as an equal partner. Faith means believing the Lord will guide both of us together.
Repentance: When we dominate, dismiss, or make decisions unilaterally, repentance enables repair. “I should have consulted you. I’m sorry. Let’s decide together.”
Covenant: Marriage itself is a covenant of equal partnership. Our temple covenants commit us to work together in love and righteousness.
The Holy Ghost: The Spirit guides both partners. Couples who pray together about roles and decisions invite divine guidance into every aspect of their partnership.
Enduring: Roles shift through seasons of life. Children arrive and grow. Circumstances change. Enduring means remaining faithful partners through all transitions.

Key Scriptures

D&C 121:41-42 — Influence by persuasion and love unfeigned
Mark 9:35 — “If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all”
Luke 1:30-31; Matthew 1:20; 2:13 — Mary and Joseph both receiving revelation
John 16:21 — Christ compares His redemptive work to a woman in childbirth
Moses 6:59 — Physical birth as pattern for spiritual rebirth
Isaiah 49:15-16 — God’s love compared to a nursing mother’s love
1 Samuel 2:29; 3:13 — Eli’s failure to correct his sons
2 Nephi 1 — Lehi’s final counsel to his sons
Mosiah 27:14 — Alma’s prayers for his son
Alma 36-42 — Alma’s individualized counsel to his sons
Alma 56:47-48 — The stripling warriors and their mothers’ teaching
Luke 15:20 — The father of the prodigal son

Reflection Questions

Take time to ponder or write about the following:

What assumptions do you carry about roles in marriage? Where did those assumptions come from—family, culture, church experience?
How do you envision making major decisions with a spouse? What happens when you disagree?
What has shaped your expectations about parenting? Which scriptural examples resonate most with you?

Discussion Questions

For conversations with a fiancé(e), spouse, or mentor:

How do you understand “presiding” in the home? What does equal partnership mean to you practically?
How will you seek and honor each other’s spiritual impressions when making family decisions?
What principles of parenting from scripture do you want to implement in your family?

This Week’s Invitation

Choose one of the following invitations to focus on this week:

Role Assumptions Reflection: Write about your assumptions regarding roles in marriage. Where did they come from? How do they align with prophetic teachings about equal partnership?

Partnership Conversation: If dating seriously or engaged, discuss how you envision making decisions together. Share examples of decision-making in your families of origin.

Scripture Study: Study Alma 36-42, noting how Alma tailored his counsel to each son. What does this teach about individualized guidance?

Parenting Models: Reflect on parents you’ve observed (including your own). What practices do you want to emulate? What would you do differently?

The Bottom Line

Marriage is an equal partnership—not in the sense that everything is divided exactly 50/50, but in the sense that both spouses have equal voice, equal value, and equal access to revelation for their family.

“Presiding” is servant-leadership, not hierarchy. The pattern of Christ—who washed feet and gave His life—is the model for all influence in the home. Decisions are made together through persuasion, patience, and seeking unity through the Spirit.

Faithful women have walked many different paths. Faithful parents have faced many different outcomes. The constant is not a particular lifestyle but faithfulness to God and to each other—working together as equal partners to build an eternal family.

“Equal partners—each bringing their whole selves to the sacred work of building an eternal family.”