JOY • MODULE 14 OF 14

Joy, Play & Delight

Enjoying the Journey Together

How do we ENJOY this together?

Eternal Marriage Is Meant to Be Enjoyed

You have journeyed through a comprehensive preparation for eternal marriage. In the Foundation phase, you explored the grand vision of eternal marriage, the Doctrine of Christ as the pattern for all covenant relationships, and Christlike character as the fruit of living the gospel. In the Preparation phase, you examined yourself—your family patterns, attachment styles, and personal growth areas—learned principles of wise discernment, and considered how to build shared vision with a partner. In the Skills phase, you developed practical abilities in communication, conflict navigation, physical intimacy, and financial partnership. In the Stewardship phase, you addressed extended family relationships and the long-term work of covenant keeping across a lifetime.

Now, in this final module, we turn to something essential that can easily be forgotten amid all this preparation:

Eternal marriage is meant to be enjoyed.

“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”
— 2 Nephi 2:25

This foundational scripture applies to marriage as much as anywhere. God did not design eternal companionship as a grim obligation to be survived. He designed it as a source of profound joy—a relationship to be celebrated, delighted in, and deeply enjoyed.

Yet many couples focus so intensely on solving problems, managing conflict, and surviving difficulty that they forget to have fun together. They build marriages that “work” but don’t bring joy. They endure when they could be thriving. This module offers a different frame. Instead of asking only “What’s broken that needs fixing?” we ask “What’s beautiful that needs building?” When we build what’s beautiful, the broken matters less.

Joy in Marriage Is Doctrine, Not an Afterthought

The pursuit of joy in marriage is not frivolous—it is theological. Consider what scripture teaches:

“Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun.”
— Ecclesiastes 9:9

This is not permission reluctantly granted. It is a command: live joyfully with the one you love. God wants our marriage to be happy.

Consider also Christ’s first recorded miracle:

“And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.”
— John 2:1-2

Jesus attended a wedding celebration. And when the wine ran out—when the party was about to end prematurely—His first miracle was to make more. Better wine. More celebration. Jesus’ first public act was making a marriage celebration more joyful.

This is not a God who grudgingly tolerates human happiness. This is a God who turns water into wine so the party can continue.

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.”
— Proverbs 17:22

Laughter, play, and joy are not distractions from the serious work of marriage. They are medicine that keeps the marriage healthy. Delight is not the reward we receive after we’ve built a good marriage. It is the fuel that helps us build one.

Pause and Reflect

How does it feel to think of joy in marriage as doctrine—something God actually commands?
What does Jesus making wine at a wedding celebration suggest about God’s view of marital happiness?

Positive Interactions Build Emotional Reserves

Relationship researcher John Gottman uses the metaphor of an “emotional bank account.” Every positive interaction—a kind word, a moment of laughter, a thoughtful gesture, an expression of appreciation—is a deposit. Every negative interaction—criticism, dismissal, harsh words, neglect—is a withdrawal.

The health of our marriage depends on the balance. Couples with high balances can weather conflict and stress because they have reserves to draw from. Couples with depleted accounts experience even minor issues as crises because there’s nothing in the bank.

Here’s the critical insight: we cannot build a healthy marriage simply by minimizing withdrawals. Avoiding negatives is not enough. We must actively, intentionally, consistently make deposits.

The 5:1 ratio isn’t just “have fewer fights.” It’s “have more fun.”

This is why joy matters. Every shared laugh, every adventure taken together, every moment of genuine enjoyment is a deposit. These moments build the reserves that sustain us through difficulty.

Gottman’s research reveals something he calls “positive sentiment override.” When the emotional bank account is full, couples interpret each other’s behavior charitably. A forgotten errand becomes “they were busy” rather than “they don’t care about me.” The same action is experienced differently depending on the balance in the account. Want a marriage that handles conflict well? Build joy reserves before conflict arrives.

Pause and Reflect

What is the current balance in your emotional bank account? Are you making more deposits or withdrawals?
What are some simple “deposits” you could make more often—kind words, laughter, appreciation?

Friendship Predicts Marital Satisfaction

Research consistently shows that friendship—genuine enjoyment of each other’s company—predicts marital satisfaction more than conflict management skills. Couples who genuinely like each other, who find each other interesting, who would choose each other as friends even apart from romantic attraction—these couples thrive.

Ask yourself honestly:

Do you genuinely enjoy spending time with your spouse (or the person you’re dating)?
Would you choose them as a friend even if romance weren’t involved?
Do you find them interesting? Do you want to know what they think?
When something funny happens, are they the person you want to tell?

If romantic passion is Eros and committed love is Agape, friendship love is Philia. All three types of love are needed for a thriving marriage—and Philia often gets neglected. Couples invest in romance (early on) and commitment (over time) but forget to cultivate friendship.

Friendship requires investment. It means staying curious about our partner’s inner world—their dreams, fears, stresses, and joys. Gottman calls this building “Love Maps.” Couples who maintain detailed knowledge of each other’s lives weather storms better than those who have drifted into polite coexistence.

A striking research finding: Friendship predicts sexual satisfaction more than technique. Couples who genuinely like each other report more satisfying physical intimacy than couples who have merely learned techniques. Joy and delight in each other spills over into every dimension of the relationship.

Pause and Reflect

On a scale of 1-10, how strong is the friendship dimension of your relationship? What would raise that number?
When did you last learn something new about your partner’s inner world—their current dreams, stresses, or joys?

Play Is Essential, Not Childish

When did you last laugh together until you cried? When did you last do something spontaneous, silly, or purely fun?

Play is not childish—it is essential. Research from the University of Denver’s Center for Marital and Family Studies found that “the correlation between fun and marital happiness is high, and significant.” Dr. Howard Markman explains: “The more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time.”

Research from BYU’s Forever Families initiative confirms that “playing together not only helps couples stay together, but it also makes the time that you spend together better. Playing together also makes conversation a happier experience for couples.”

Utah State University’s relationship research adds that playing together increases bonding, communication, conflict resolution, and relationship satisfaction. Couples who maintain playfulness report higher satisfaction decades into marriage.

Playfulness includes:

Humor: Inside jokes, gentle teasing, finding the funny in daily life. Couples who can laugh at themselves and with each other have a powerful tool for connection—and for defusing tension.
Games: Board games, card games, video games, sports, puzzles. Shared play creates shared memories and releases stress.
Silliness: Dancing in the kitchen, making up songs, playful competitions. Letting our guard down together builds intimacy.
Spontaneity: Unplanned adventures, last-minute date nights, surprise gestures. Breaking routine keeps the relationship fresh.

Pause and Reflect

When did you last laugh together until you cried? What made it so fun?
Which type of playfulness—humor, games, silliness, or spontaneity—comes most naturally to you? Which could you develop more?

Shared Adventures Create Lasting Bonds

Research shows that couples who engage in novel, exciting activities together report higher relationship satisfaction than those who stick to familiar routines. This is sometimes called the “self-expansion” model—we grow through new experiences shared with our partner.

The brain releases dopamine during novel experiences—the same neurotransmitter associated with early romantic love. Sharing new adventures literally recreates some of the neurochemistry of falling in love.

Adventures don’t have to be expensive or extreme. They can include:

Trying a new restaurant or cuisine
Taking a class together (cooking, dancing, pottery)
Exploring a new part of your city
Learning a new skill together
Traveling somewhere you’ve never been
Starting a project together

The key is novelty and shared experience. Doing something new together bonds us in ways that routine cannot.

Pause and Reflect

What new experience have you shared recently? What made it memorable?
What adventure—big or small—have you been wanting to try together?

Celebration and Gratitude Strengthen Connection

Many couples are skilled at supporting each other through difficulty but neglect to celebrate together in good times. Research shows that how we respond to our partner’s good news matters as much as how we respond to their struggles.

When our partner shares good news, there are four possible responses:

Active-Constructive: Enthusiastic, engaged celebration. “That’s wonderful! Tell me everything!”
Passive-Constructive: Understated positive. “That’s nice.”
Active-Destructive: Pointing out problems. “But what about…?”
Passive-Destructive: Ignoring or changing the subject.

Only active-constructive responses build connection. Celebrating our partner’s wins—big and small—deposits into the emotional bank account.

Similarly, expressing gratitude strengthens relationships. Couples who regularly express appreciation for each other—not just for what they do, but for who they are—report higher satisfaction. Gratitude is a muscle; it strengthens with use.

Pause and Reflect

What new experience have you shared recently? What made it memorable?
What adventure—big or small—have you been wanting to try together?

Joy Must Be Protected Through Intentional Rhythms

Joy doesn’t happen automatically. Left to chance, it gets crowded out by obligations, responsibilities, and the urgent demands of daily life. Building joy into marriage requires intentionality. Consider building rhythms of joy:

Rhythm	Examples
Daily	A moment of genuine connection—a real conversation, physical affection, shared laughter
Weekly	A date night or dedicated couple time—protected from other obligations
Monthly	A longer activity—a day trip, a special outing, something out of the ordinary
Annually	A significant shared experience—a trip, a retreat, a major adventure

These rhythms require protection. Life will always offer reasons to skip date night, postpone the trip, or defer the adventure. Couples who thrive treat joy as a priority, not an afterthought. Remember: “Important” will always crowd out “delightful” unless we defend it.

Pause and Reflect

Which rhythms of joy—daily, weekly, monthly, annual—are strongest in your relationship? Which need more attention?
What tends to crowd out joy in your life? How could you protect against that?

Joy Applies Wherever We Are in Life

If you are single: The capacity for joy is something we develop now, not something that magically appears after marriage. Practice gratitude, celebration, and play in your current relationships. The person who brings joy to friendships will bring joy to marriage.

If you are dating or engaged: Pay attention to joy. Is this relationship fun? Do you laugh together? If the relationship is all “deep conversations” and serious discussions but no play, something may be missing. Joy should be present now, not deferred until after the wedding.

If you are married: When did you last laugh together until you cried? When did you last do something spontaneous? What brought you joy early in marriage that you’ve let slip away? The fact that you’ve been married for years doesn’t mean joy should have faded. Often it means joy needs intentional revival.

If you are divorced or widowed: Joy is not betrayal of the past. Rebuilding our capacity for delight is part of healing. We are allowed—even encouraged—to enjoy life again. The ability to experience joy is a gift we can bring to a future relationship.

The Doctrine of Christ Leads to Joy

Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). It is not something we generate through willpower—it is something that grows in us as we live the gospel and cultivate the Spirit’s presence.

The Doctrine of Christ leads to joy:

Faith: Trusting that God wants our happiness. Believing that joy is not frivolous but part of His plan for us. Having faith that our marriage can be a source of deep delight.
Repentance: Letting go of resentments that poison joy. Repairing ruptures so they don’t accumulate into bitterness. Forgiving so we are free to enjoy each other again.
Covenant: The security of commitment creates space for play. When we know we are safe with someone, we can be silly, vulnerable, and fully ourselves. Covenant enables the trust that joy requires.
The Holy Ghost: The Spirit brings joy. Couples who invite the Spirit into their marriage experience not just peace but genuine happiness. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace…” (Galatians 5:22).
Enduring: Joy is sustainable across a lifetime. It is not just the spark of early love but the steady warmth of mature delight. Enduring with joy—not just enduring—is the goal.

Pause and Reflect

Which principle of the Doctrine of Christ has most contributed to joy in your relationships?
How has living the gospel prepared you to experience and share joy in marriage?

Build a Marriage You Can’t Wait to Live In

This entire course has been about preparing for eternal marriage—a relationship that will extend beyond mortality into eternity. That is a long time.

Don’t just build a marriage that lasts. Build one you can’t wait to live in.

Marriage is, as the Church’s Eternal Marriage Student Manual says, a “laboratory for godhood.” But laboratories can have windows that let in light. They can have moments of discovery and wonder. They can be places of creativity and joy, not just serious work.

The course began with a vision of who we are becoming—heirs of God, preparing for divine responsibilities. It ends with a reminder that the journey itself should be joyful. We are not just enduring to the end. We are invited to enjoy the journey.

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”
— Psalm 16:11

God is a God of joy. His presence is “fulness of joy.” And marriage, at its best, is a partnership in which two people help each other experience and radiate that joy—here in mortality, and forever.

Key Scriptures

2 Nephi 2:25 — “Men are that they might have joy”
Ecclesiastes 9:9 — “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest”
John 2:1-11 — Jesus at the wedding in Cana
Proverbs 17:22 — “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine”
Galatians 5:22 — “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace…”
Psalm 16:11 — “In thy presence is fulness of joy”

Reflection Questions

Take time to ponder or write about the following:

On a scale of 1-10, how much genuine fun do you have together (or anticipate having)? What would raise that number?
What made you laugh together recently? If you can’t remember, what does that tell you?
What brought you joy early in your relationship that you’ve stopped doing? Why did it stop? Could it restart?

Reflecting on the Course

As you complete this course, consider:

What insight from this course has been most meaningful or surprising to you?
How has your understanding of eternal marriage changed or deepened through this experience?
Which module or principle do you want to revisit or study further?
What is one specific way you will apply what you’ve learned—this week, this month, or in your future marriage?
How do you feel about your preparation for eternal marriage now compared to when you began this course?

Discussion Questions

For conversations with a fiancé(e), spouse, or mentor:

What adventures—big or small—could we take together in the next month? The next year?
How do we protect joy from being crowded out by obligations? What rhythms should we build?
What does “building a marriage we can’t wait to live in” look like for us specifically?

This Week’s Invitation

Choose one of the following invitations to focus on this week:

Joy Deposit: Plan one activity that has nothing to do with solving problems or discussing issues. Pure play, adventure, or delight. Put it on the calendar. Protect it. Do it.

Gratitude Practice: Each day this week, tell your partner (or write in your journal) one specific thing you appreciate about them or your relationship. Be specific and sincere.

Adventure Planning: Plan a new experience to share together—something neither of you has done before. It doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. Just new.

Play Revival: Identify something playful you used to do together but have stopped. A game, an activity, a silly tradition. Bring it back this week.

Joy Rhythms: Review the table of daily, weekly, monthly, and annual joy rhythms. Discuss with your partner which practices you want to build into your relationship.

The Bottom Line

Eternal marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not merely endured. Joy is not frivolous—it is doctrinal. God commands us to “live joyfully” with the one we love, and Jesus’ first miracle was making a wedding celebration more joyful.

Joy is the fuel that sustains marriage, not just the reward for building a good one. Every positive interaction is a deposit in our emotional bank account. Friendship—genuine enjoyment of each other—predicts satisfaction more than conflict skills alone.

Play matters. Adventure matters. Novelty triggers bonding neurochemistry. Celebration and gratitude strengthen connection. And none of this happens automatically—joy must be planned, protected, and prioritized.

Build rhythms of delight into daily, weekly, monthly, and annual life. Remember that “important” will always crowd out “delightful” unless we defend it.

This course has prepared you for eternal marriage. Now go build one you can’t wait to live in—not someday, but starting today.

“You have prepared for eternal marriage. Now go build one you can’t wait to live in. Joy is not the destination—it is the way. ‘Men are that they might have joy.’ So is marriage.”